We are all collaborators
Why writing is so hard right now
There’s an old line that seems to have found new life these days, “why are all ashkenazi jews pessimists? Because the optimists all stayed.” As someone who was born a cynic, and has spent my life striving for mere skepticism, a new sort of cognitive dissonance has entered my internal dialogue. Every day I see new fresh horrors: neo-nazi’s running the pentagon, the utter embrace of kleptocracy and open corruption by the most senior government figures, a small oppressed minority being targeted by the full legal force of our government, russian assets controlling our intelligence apparatus, and yet, every day I expect to open the New York Times and see “Treason!” in 90 point font as the headline.
But of course, it is not to be. We continue reading recipes, planning vacations, and tsk-tsking when we read of the latest collapse in the rule of law. So when I sit down to write about higher education, cybersecurity, or policy I feel like Nero, fiddling while Rome burns. As a jew married to an immigrant I feel particularly negligent. Shouldn’t I be running around screaming 24/7 instead of quietly waiting for the entrance of the deus ex machina to save us? Yet on we go, living our normal lives despite the brutality on display around us.
I’ve been struggling to try to understand my own feelings about what’s taking place. Beyond the anger, embarrassment, and frankly concern for my planet, family and self, there’s been another discomfort in watching the US become a pariah state. Like most people, I didn’t grow up with crime. I never lived with protection money, or grifting as a way of life. Bullying, even as a child, I recognized as wrong. Which is why I think it’s so unsettling to be an American these days. Trump has made all of us collaborators in his activities. It’s not Trump the world fears, it’s America.
No matter the direction our political winds have blown, my friends that immigrated from the really repressive places on the planet, to a person will tell you how much better it is in America. For so many, despite our foibles, America has remained a shining beacon of hope. But no more - now I hear “I grew up with this. I recognize it. I never thought I’d see it in the US”.
So every word written about the regime feels inadequate. Every word written about anything else feels like a Vichy moment, a collaboration with the regime through distraction. The keyboard, once a tool, has become a minefield.